If Wishing Made It So

    Sometimes I hear things that I want to believe in but struggle with.  I love (and probably fear) the idea that we create our own reality.  To a point, I’m on board with this notion.  I get that when I take a position of gratitude, I notice more blessings in my life.  I have noticed that surrounding myself, in general, with positive people makes my life feel more positive. The same thing feels true about wading through lots of negativity; I feel more negative.  Fine, fine.
    Where the rubber hits the road for me is when folks begin talking about visualizing something concrete that they want in their lives, and then they get it.  That’s when I become that doubting 7 or 8 year old kid:
    Really?? But how could that possibly be true? There’s no such thing as . . .
    I realize even as I write this, that I have had that experience.  In my life, I have experienced seeing my fondest desire manifest.  I could introduce you to her, but she’s busy making puff ball snowmen at her art table right now . . .
    If wishing made it so . . .
    In truth, I did wish. I also hoped. I prayed. I cried. I subjected my body to what I can only describe now as weird science or Vegas style gambling, depending on how you look at it.  I consulted mystics. I wrote in my journal. I threw up my hands in frustration.  In short, I embarked on a path of self discovery and surrender that brought me face to face with a lot of my own assumptions and beliefs about myself and everything else.  I had to throw out what didn’t work.  I had to consider new ideas.  In short, I had to grow into the gift that I was about to be given.  Did it work?
    You betcha! (Only Sarah Palin quote you are likely to see here, ever, but I digress.)
    For me, believing was far from a passive exercise.  I did absolutely everything I could to make my dream a reality, and that still wasn’t enough.  I also had to surrender to the fact that in the end, it wasn’t really in my control.  But the belief was mine. And it worked.
    Why then, do I have to remind myself again and again of the power of intention and correct action to shape my own life? I guess I can be grateful that the reminders are there, and that when they come, they can be powerful.  
    And so here and now, it gives me great pleasure to declare, in what I now better understand to be the spirit of the season,
    I BELIEVE.