There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

    I have always loved Winter Solstice.  Most years, I have found it difficult to slow down and take in the stillness, even as I yearned for it.  This year, my gift (?) has been having quite a bit less energy than in previous years, so slowing down has not been difficult. I won’t lie and say that I like being so tired, but I will say that I am enjoying this season. 
    I am not booking so much outside of our house. We go to bed early.  We look at Christmas lights.  We read stories together. We baked monkey bread for Solstice.  There seems to be time for the small stuff this year.  It turns out there is a great deal that nourishes me in the small stuff.
    I love the notion of the Winter Solstice.  Everything lies dormant within the womb of the Earth.  We swim in the dark waters of the unknown, waiting for Spring to return.  In the quiet, we contemplate what’s been left behind and seek glimpses of what will be.  No question we can encounter our fears in the dark (of the dark).  Winter Solstice for me is the time of the big questions.  Who am I?  What is my life for?  Will I prosper? Will Spring ever return?
    I think the reason this time of year is celebrated as a family time is that we draw strength from our heart connections.  I have been noticing small warm moments with my family this year.  Again, I would use the word nourishing –  heartening.  It has been said that Winter is a time to feel our connections to our ancestors.  There are lessons for us to learn if we allow them.
    Of course, yin leads to yang at some point.  I have also had moments where I pine for a bigger life.  When I feel sad, I wonder if my life will ever again get “bigger.” Yesterday, as I looked up at the gray, gray, I had a visceral longing to leave the small behind and soar through the sky. I have had moments in my life that have felt like that.  Glorious.  For me, nothing surpasses. Will I be able to go there again?
    I find myself asking these questions this Winter -- speaking into the unknown and trying to discern the answers. Yesterday, not long after I looked up, I was able to listen inward in meditation, and this time, I clearly heard the wisdom of my ancestors. 
    Remember who you are.
    And I felt that in my body.  A strengthening, a return, an alignment – like sap rising. In that moment, I felt exactly like my self, and it was good to be home.
    When the sun rose today, the sky was clearing.  I heard a bird chirping in the trees, and I felt held by the gentleness of the morning.  The hot monkey bread tasted great!
    Happy Solstice.