Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What Dreams May Come

    I haven’t posted anything in quite a while.  I began writing one or two ideas, but nothing  materialized.  My life in these weeks has been full of soccer games (!), board meetings, major construction, two weddings performed, meeting with clients, and of course, my favorite, medication change hijinks. (Steroids and sleep – why can’t we all just be friends?)  On top of that, in the last week, I really noticed the lack o’ blog.  That in itself became a thing.
     “Why am I not writing? Folks won’t keep reading if you stop writing. Product girlfriend. You need product!” (I don’t even try to sound enlightened when I have inner conversations. Gets stuck in my teeth.)
    To give myself credit, (and why wouldn’t I?) I realize that blogging or not blogging is not really the thing.  I write about what I am thinking about.  I write when I have something to say.  The anxiousness was really about a stuckness in my inner process. 
    So, I did some inner work yesterday morning, and I definitely feel more lined up.  No question that clarity came. It’s just that, at first, I didn’t want to hear it.  That’s actually not true.  A part of me loved hearing it.  My body exhaled.  I took a walk.  I could breathe.  I felt a flush of energy come into my body.  It’s just my ego self that had been resisting getting with the program.
    How unusual.
    What I heard was that it’s not time to manifest a BIG NEW IDEA. That’s when I noticed that it’s big, fat glorious Fall out here!  No question that the movement in Nature is downward and inward.  No question that rest and detoxification and being here now are what my body wanted to be doing right then.  As usual, as soon as I surrendered to what felt right to do, rather than what felt like pulling teeth to do, things opened up and creativity started flowing again.
    I realized there was no need for a big new idea.  I already had it.  I have known for some time what I want to do next.  I have heard it clearly a couple of times while journaling and praying.  When I think about the books I have bought and the conversations I have most enjoyed in the past couple of years, all of this makes a great deal of sense.  I am already doing what I am supposed to be doing next.  Sitting here now, I can’t believe that yesterday I was still wringing my hands and writing in my journal, “what’s next for me?”
    I have had plenty of inspiration, I just kept denying it.  That’s right. When inspiration finally came, my first impulse was to give it back! I guess I needed to sit with it for a while.  I needed to take the next step of acknowledging my commitment to moving forward on the idea. And come to think of it, I also needed that commitment to include moving forward on the idea in balance with what my body needs to be well.  The cosmology of Chinese acupuncture holds the energy of Fall as one of sorting through and determining the value of things – what to keep, what to throw away.  That process of bringing myself in tune with Nature and then listening to my inner voice represents the core of the work I have been doing for several years now, and yet it never fails to amaze me.  There is so much to discover in this life! Blessed be.