When Words Get in the Way

    For a while now,  I have suspected that I am tuned a little differently than most  people.  The words that get used and the way they resonate with me makes a huge difference in how I feel.  I have been accused from time to time by relatives (blood and otherwise) of being over sensitive, thin skinned, and occasionally even, overly suited to theatrical pursuits.  Sometimes, I have worried and suffered over what something gets called and what that means. In the context of illness, I am particularly aware that words mean things, imply consequences and possible outcomes that can be hard to live with.
    Too often, I find myself ruminating over a particular word or phrase.  Tones and attitudes play a part as well.  Feelings go with those thoughts – otherness, fear, helplessness,  anger, or even shame and humiliation.
    “Much too sensitive,” my ever vigilant inner critic offers helpfully in situations such as these.  “You need to learn to ignore those feelings – toughen up.  Get on with it.” 
    That’s how She rolls.
    Here’s the thing though, my wellness very much includes becoming more in tune with how things affect me, not less.  Times when I ignore how I feel often lead to inflammation and illness, I have discovered.  Of course, regularly turning off feelings turns out to be bad for lots of us, unless we like addiction, codependency, anger and victimhood.  I could go on, but there is no need for me to get militant.
    I comfort myself with the thought that words matter, and perhaps I am hearing nuances worth noticing.  This is not a wind up to a plea for political correctness.  Sometimes a well chosen word or phrase shines a light where I have avoided looking.  The clang of a naked truth reverberates and guides me towards good.
    It’s in the delivery I guess.  I hate the offhand macho attitude that shows up so often in medical settings.  Unchecked egos of doctors and nurses combined with disrespected staff persons create an environment that makes us want to apologize for troubling them or become belligerent and uncooperative because they deserve it.  I’ll own my part.  Seldom am I at my social best when I feel sick or scared. Or both.  I’ll wager that I am not alone in this regard.
    Still.  Most of us feel better when treated with dignity and respect.  In my experience, some of it begets more of it, in kind.  I heard Oprah say that everyone wants to receive the same message from her when they come on the show:
    I see you. I hear you. What you say matters to me. 
    Let the healing begin.