Being the Change

    For a long time, I thought I had the soul of a warrior.  My childhood and younger days were all about fighting to defend those who were being picked on, engaging in public debate for social change, getting involved in activist causes.  I have been quick to throw myself into the middle of conflicts to try to make things better.  It is what I have always felt drawn to do.  It’s who I thought I was.  I remember a conversation early in my marriage when I shared this opinion of myself, and my husband said, in his rather mild taoist priest-like way, “You know, if you were at heart a warrior, I think you’d be better at it.”
    No, I did not pull out my sword at that moment and cut off his head.
    He actually had a point, so to speak.  Here’s what it was. He told me that although I might win the battle, the cost of the fight for me, emotionally, was rather high, or as he actually put it, “the next day, you shouldn’t be here bleeding all over the floor.” 
    So to speak.
    That conversation changed my life.  I have spent the past 15 years learning more about self care and boundaries, balancing passion and restraint, and returning often to the Serenity Prayer.  I went back to school.  I became a counselor. And, I haven’t had a migraine headache since I was 30.  The thing is, I have never lost interest in making things better.  I went to social work school for heavens sake!  I just haven’t involved myself in politics much in the last several years.  ( I have also quickly exited any conversations containing the phrase, “what’s that supposed to mean?” but that’s for another day.)
    Well, I’m back in politics.  I have involved myself in a fight about zoning in the area where I live.  I have been writing, speaking in public, and going to lots of meetings.  I’ve recently joined a Board.  I was sitting in a County Council meeting last night waiting to testify, reading an article on contemplative education.  The term was described as the “marriage of a compassionate heart and a purposeful mind.”  It occurred to me that somehow, I have to engage in the political process in a way that feels consistent with what I now know.
     Albert Einstein said that “problems can’t be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.”  I don’t want to become my enemy.  I don’t even want to have an enemy.  I really think that we have lost sight of our values in recent times.  “Adversarial” is not the environment in which humans do their best work.  Competition is not our highest value.  Politics should not be played like some extreme sporting event.  We may pray for it, but the best man hardly ever wins, and don’t even get me started about how often the best woman  . . .
    I will meditate today.  I will spend some time outside.  I will actively do something creative to get my right brain fed and happy, and I will give of myself to someone today.  I have learned that my insides need to match my outsides.  Today, I will be the change that I wish to see in the world.